All Hands on Deck

Dad and Sarah, activities director

​My dad lives in a facility and is dying of dementia. Each week I look at him on a screen. He is being taken care of by caring, young (mostly) women. I am so grateful for them and the love they give him. Some of them are activities directors, some are aides. They each have their individual job description, but a lot of what they do overlaps, especially now during Covid-time. All hands are on deck to be with the residents of assisted living facilities because family, and others, can’t be there. My father’s aide tells me she is spending as much time as possible with the residents. The aides and others know that they are the heart and hands of the family and loved ones right now and they focus even more on providing companionship, touch, humor, love, and so much more.

There are other roles that overlap with caring for people at end-of-life: fixer/handyperson, therapeutic pet care person, meal deliverer, housekeeper… the list goes on and on. The longer someone works in a caring profession, the more they learn by experience about end-of-life. But many of them do not have specific training about specific areas of end-of-life care like the dying process, grief and bereavement (including their own), life review, comfort touch, vigil-ing, community resources, advocacy, advance care planning, and funeral options. That is why so many people are attracted to the end-of-life doula role. The doula learns about and addresses all of these areas. The doula does not replace the other roles; doulas add another layer of support, spend time, focus on companionship, and collaborate with all care providers. Doula-ing is all around us, it is not new. It takes many people in all of our capacities to care for each other. The doula concept brings it all together under one title, but others are still needed. We all need each other. Doulas bring everything they have and everything they are to the work. Doulas are changing end-of-life care. 

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